


i meant what i said

by stuckyondestiel



Series: stories for friends [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 23:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20882114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckyondestiel/pseuds/stuckyondestiel
Summary: small drabble for when dean finds out about the deal cas made with the empty





	i meant what i said

"You fucking dumb ass" Dean was seething with anger, after overhearing the conversation Jack and Cas were having about him remembering what had happened that had him resurrected and the deal that Cas made. 

Dean thought they were past deal making, but apparently not. 

"Dean.. I.. There was no other choice-" 

"THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER CHOICE, CAS." Dean exlaimed with so much ache that he needed to turn around, all these images of how they've lost people over the years came flooding back, but the one that stuck out the most was when he lost Castiel, for what seemed like good. "You can't do this... you can't do this to me, to us, not again. Okay? I watched you die, I held your lifeless body and I had to relived it every night, every waking moment and every god damn time I closed my eyes." 

Dean turned around and that's when Cas saw the emotion in the hunter's eyes. Saw the glassy glossed over effect that was in possession of the memory induced tears. "I was shattered, Cas.. it.. it ruined me. I started to think that it's what dad felt like after losing mom.." 

"I didn't know that, Dean... I am sorry," there were so many other things Cas wanted to ask, to clarify, but he couldn't sort out and sift through his scattered thoughts to find the right words. He was starting to understand Dean's opinion on feelings more and more. "... but Jack, he's my son, and I promised Kelly that I would protect and love him. I do love him like my own." 

"Damnit, Cas. It's not that we don't love the kid, it's not like I don't love the kid and yes I was mad at him, I was angry and grieving because I lost a big percentage of why I wake up every morning and continue on in this shitty life of fighting evil and risking everything good." Dean was beginning to wear thin, his heart now out on the line for Cas to see and he was getting close to admitting his true frustrations instead of hinting at them. Better to be blunt and straight forward instead of passive and hinting. 

"Dean, you've done this more times than I have, making deals to save Sam, if you don't recall that's how we met in the first place." Cas replied, he was feeling frustrated he didn't quite understand the whole of the situation and he was just trying to figure out what made Dean so upset. 

"What else has do I have to say to make you understand? What else has to happen for you to see that I love you, too. You asked me not to go through with the box, and you were starting to change my mind, and then Sam finished it. I can't do this-no, I don't want to do this," Dean waves his arms as if to indicate further what he means, "I don't want to live in a world where you're not alive in it, either."

Dean looks up to the man who would always be his angel, and stares him in the eyes, "Please, don't make me live without you again. I meant what I said when I said that I need you, Cas... I need you."

"I... Okay Dean, okay. We'll talk to Sam and figure a way out of this, like we always do." Cas puts his hand on Dean's shoulder after trying to convey his thoughts and longing through his eyes, and after feeling like it wasn't good enough he drops his hand along Dean's arm, slowly grasps his fingers, with a small squeeze. 

Dean takes initiative and fully envelopes their hands into eachother's, and intertwines their fingers before giving back a small squeeze. 

Cas looks down at their hands and smiles, "Dean?" looking up to meet the other's eyes, "I love you too, and I don't think I can live without you, don't want to either."


End file.
